Somewhere may be a lot farther out than I originally thought. Not that I expected to find Mr. Right, right off the bat. I am convinced that, as human beings, we are blessed with the ability to expand our lives through love and expand our love throughout our lives. Gordon was my third husband (ok, he was my fourth also but that's another story).
I recall reading a short story when I was a young lass about an old woman who had been a famous courtesan. Every night, her butler brought a chilled split of champagne to her bedside and she remembered the loves of her life as the cold golden bubbles slid down her throat. I wondered if I would ever have lovers or if I would find the man of my dreams, marry him and love happily ever after. That was then, in the 1950s and this is NOW. Thank God! As it turned out my life was not without lovers. Some were wonderful and shared so much with me and others were a pause on the highway of life. No regrets and, on some nights, very good memories indeed.
Isn't it incredible that in this "NOW" we have the technology to reach out across space and glimpse the lives of other searchers? Our cyber search is not without peril and we need to be mindful not to be beguiled by the silver tongued devils sitting at their keyboards, spinning webs. But we are strong, wise, mature women in the 21st century and, as such, must not allow our lives to be defined by the popular media or by shocked friends. I am so blessed that my friends are standing on the side lines, cheering me on! My MostBelovedDaughterinLaw is the cheerleader and my son just chuckles at the blog. We shared an apartment while he was in college and I was in graduate school, complete with secret message on the door when one of us was engaged in private activity.
I have expanded my horizons and am now listed on six online search sites: e-harmony (hookup in my previous posts), Senior Match.com (silvermatch), Plenty of Fish (fishy fishy), Senior Friend Finder, BBW.com and Cupid. Senior March and BBW.com are part of the same company. In fact, you may be amazed at the variety of sites out there; just google online dating sites and revel in the diversity. Some sites will allow you to "lurk", that is, to view the profiles but not to make any contacts, which is downright frustrating. Expect to pay from $10 per month to $40/50 and the companies want your payment in a lump sum. Be sure you print out your receipt so you can track your membership time because all agreements contain an automatic renewal feature. You may no longer be online but your credit card keeps giving and giving and there are no refunds. There are some information sites on the web where you can sometimes find promotion codes used by the industry or information about how you can get in on a "special" rate. It's your money, shop around.
I have now been at this for close to two months so I have a few opinions to share. I have terminated my membership in e-harmony at the end of this month. Of the matches they delivered, more than two-thirds were out of state and far, far away. Their paperwork was burdensome and I found that, after spending a good portion of a day completing the forms, they still sent me matches who were not suitable and responsive to my requests. If I state that my politics are liberal with a capital L why send me a match with a man whose favorite author is Billo the Clown and thinks F-x News is a real "news" network??? At first, you are not allowed to have any direct contact with the match and can only exchange programed questions back and forth as to your likes and dislikes. Admittedly I never got beyond that stage. Someone else may feel secure in the layers of protection between you and the matches.
I like Senior Match.com and have written about the wonderful feature where you see a slide show of men from which you can select profiles you wish to read and consider making a contact. On this site, you can send a flirt (which I liken to a "ping". Remember the scene from the Hunt for the Red October, where Sean Connery orders the helmsman to send a single ping against the hull of the US sub? ) Or you can start right out and send a message like: hey your profile really grabbed me and I want to make mad passionate love with you! OK, just say something nice about the way they write or that you have interests in common. Don't rush to give out your private information or e-mail; keep it on the site for a while. In fact, I suggest you set up a separate e-mail for your dating correspondence. I use gmail.com or hotmail.com. Set up the account with your profile name. That way when you are ready for further communication, you still have a shield for your personal life, plus you can use a protective password to keep the unwanted out of your affairs.
BBW.com is part of the same company as Senior Match and is aimed at the big and beautiful, or as I prefer, Rubenesque. I don't lie and say I have a few pounds too many when I am really an armful. In fact, I don't lie about anything on my profile. In my book, relationships shouldn't begin with lies.
Plenty of Fish.com is also a pretty good site. There are lots of local men on it. Same format as SeniorMatch, join, post your profile and go from there.
Senior Friend Finder is OK. I am finding some overlap in matches. I recognize the same faces and profiles.
I just joined Cupid.com. Don't laugh, I subscribe to the magazine "Bust" and received an e-mail about their "personal ads." Since I am miles along the road beyond their usual readers, personal ads won't work for me but they did have a link for Cupid.com. My advice would be to pass on it. Mostly for people under 40, unless you are trolling for a new model. By the way, if this is the case, there's a number of "cougar" sites out there. Just Google: older women / younger men or "cougars" and sign up.
I haven't used Yahoo.com but have lurked on it. It might work for you since it contains local seekers. No filters or bars, just post and get it on.
Expectations: the number of men in the mature age bracket is finite. After a couple of weeks, you will be looking at the same faces and asking yourself, "Did I check this guy out?" I am registered in a mature age group and have defined my search as men from 60 thru 80. Even though I gave that parameter, I still get matches for men in their 40s. You will also find that many of our potential matches request to be matched with a younger women, slim/sexy women, baby dolls to be pampered, etc. It is a bit hard to read a profile that really sparks my interest, only to find that he wants a young, "girly" woman.
You may find it hard to "put yourself out there" and make the first contact. It's OK to sit back and "lurk" for a while until you feel comfortable. Remember that on all of these sites, when you peek at a profile, the potential match gets a notice and your profile goes on his message page. You can always pull up the list of who has looked at you as well as the profiles you have viewed. I always wonder about some guys who look at me a number of times but never contact me. Expect that some of your outreaches will be rebuffed, some will be ignored and never answered but, every now and then, you may find a new friend. Don't be discouraged and don't make the search your entire life.
Other words of wisdom: beware of guys who are "legally separated" and don't post a photo of themselves. Watch out for profile names. You usually don't use your real name for your profile; I am Granny Boogies, Granny B and NVHeart on my profiles. If you find a profile name like 694U or Buttlover, you might want to take a pass. You also might want to skip the profiles without any personal information, where the answers are "just send me a message." Watch out for guys who take photos of themselves in their bathrooms. Keep a sense of humor, remember men are both wonderful and strange. Use common sense: first dates in a public place and let someone know where you are. Yes, we are grownups so let's use our grownup smarts.
Now, for an update: I found two men who held great interest for me but when I contacted them, they were already taken. They started me thinking, they are both out-of-the-box men, left of center or maybe so far out they have their own center. I don't know exactly how to describe them. Men who have chosen to live in far out places in homes filled with books, music, animals and no superbox stores in sight. I am very attracted to this type of different drummer marchers. I am drawn to men of words, dreams and visions who wear their hair long and live in Berkie's and jeans. But I am also drawn to men who work with their hands, creating athings of beauty that will last beyond them and enrich the lives of those who live with these creations. These men may not be verbal, their souls are expressed in their work. I am looking for a strong man with a gentle touch and a sense of humor who will talk and listen to me. Life is funny and most of us fart in bed.
So life goes on and so does Granny. Time and tide wait for no woman but if I miss this tide, there is always another one tomorrow. My advice to anyone beginning on this journey: take a long view and have some fun along the way.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Granny is still on the Highway, just pulled into a rest stop to clean out the car!
Thanks to all of you who have wondered why I haven't posted in a while. I wish I had something wonderful to tell you, well actually I do but it doesn't involve a man.
Most Wonderful Daughter in Law and I were accepted as Artisan Jewelers for the annual Art in the Park show in Boulder City. This is THE premier show in Nevada with over 300 artists and an estimated attendance of 100,000 people. We had originally been denied and told ourselves that we would make it next year. About a week later, we received an e-mail asking us to resubmit photos of our work, our booth layout from a previous show and some shots of our workspace. It was a loooong wait. Late in the afternoon of July 14, the e-mail arrived: WE WERE ACCEPTED!! I don't think I had any sleep for two days. Haven't been that high since ... hummm, let's don't go there.
I had been playing around with some design ideas that I call "Not your granny's pearls" and stashing away very special pearls for some time. Oh what glory and riches spread out across my work table. Coin pearls in white, green and yellow. Petal pearls in vivid Kelly green and an intriguing shade of dark gray with an overtone of gold and pink. Austrian and Chinese crystals in little plastic boxes stacked in a shimmering rainbow of color. Clasps and spacers of silver and gold. For the next four days, I was glued to the work bench with lights blazing, glasses perched on my nose, sometimes dressed in shorts and T shirt or sleep shirts in the middle of the night. I would work until my eyes gave out and then design in my sleep, get up and go back to the bench. Finally, I crashed and slept for an entire day.
We are excitedly planning our booth. The show is October 3 & 4 so our theme will be Fall with autumn leaves and fall flowers combined with many of the design elements that we have been collecting. MWDL plans to have over a 100 earrings for our revolving rack. We have more than enough items containing pearls in various shapes to fill a six foot table and still have stock for the second day. From formal and dressy to funky and fun, we have something for everyone. Another six foot table will display our passion for the colors, shapes and textures of stones: agates, carnelian, lava, jasper, jade, turquoise, coral, citrine, amethyst, tiger eye, ryolite and so many more. Designs using various types of glass, ceramic and metal beads will fill the third table. Well, there is a lot of overlapping in materials so we will place things where they fit best. You have the general idea: a treasure tent of wonderful, unique, one of a kind jewelry for you or someone you love. We don't know the location of our booth yet but not to worry; you will get all the details and maybe some photos before the show!
If you want a sneak peak and maybe an early purchase, check out our web sites:
http://www.outofourminds.etsy.com or http://www.outofourminds.artfire.com.
Friends and family receive 10% off any one item, just send us an e-mail to outofourminds@yahoo.com after you purchase and we will provide an adjusted invoice.
Another post is floating around in my head. Back at you shortly!
Granny B
Most Wonderful Daughter in Law and I were accepted as Artisan Jewelers for the annual Art in the Park show in Boulder City. This is THE premier show in Nevada with over 300 artists and an estimated attendance of 100,000 people. We had originally been denied and told ourselves that we would make it next year. About a week later, we received an e-mail asking us to resubmit photos of our work, our booth layout from a previous show and some shots of our workspace. It was a loooong wait. Late in the afternoon of July 14, the e-mail arrived: WE WERE ACCEPTED!! I don't think I had any sleep for two days. Haven't been that high since ... hummm, let's don't go there.
I had been playing around with some design ideas that I call "Not your granny's pearls" and stashing away very special pearls for some time. Oh what glory and riches spread out across my work table. Coin pearls in white, green and yellow. Petal pearls in vivid Kelly green and an intriguing shade of dark gray with an overtone of gold and pink. Austrian and Chinese crystals in little plastic boxes stacked in a shimmering rainbow of color. Clasps and spacers of silver and gold. For the next four days, I was glued to the work bench with lights blazing, glasses perched on my nose, sometimes dressed in shorts and T shirt or sleep shirts in the middle of the night. I would work until my eyes gave out and then design in my sleep, get up and go back to the bench. Finally, I crashed and slept for an entire day.
We are excitedly planning our booth. The show is October 3 & 4 so our theme will be Fall with autumn leaves and fall flowers combined with many of the design elements that we have been collecting. MWDL plans to have over a 100 earrings for our revolving rack. We have more than enough items containing pearls in various shapes to fill a six foot table and still have stock for the second day. From formal and dressy to funky and fun, we have something for everyone. Another six foot table will display our passion for the colors, shapes and textures of stones: agates, carnelian, lava, jasper, jade, turquoise, coral, citrine, amethyst, tiger eye, ryolite and so many more. Designs using various types of glass, ceramic and metal beads will fill the third table. Well, there is a lot of overlapping in materials so we will place things where they fit best. You have the general idea: a treasure tent of wonderful, unique, one of a kind jewelry for you or someone you love. We don't know the location of our booth yet but not to worry; you will get all the details and maybe some photos before the show!
If you want a sneak peak and maybe an early purchase, check out our web sites:
http://www.outofourminds.etsy.com or http://www.outofourminds.artfire.com.
Friends and family receive 10% off any one item, just send us an e-mail to outofourminds@yahoo.com after you purchase and we will provide an adjusted invoice.
Another post is floating around in my head. Back at you shortly!
Granny B
Monday, July 6, 2009
Scorecard #2
The latest update on my adventures in online dating: it's been a month now and not only am I not in love, I'm not even in like! Well, that may not be completely true. I have crossed messages with some very nice men, who for one reason or another, were just not for me. I reply to their contacts with what I hope are graceful words that make them feel that reaching out to me has not been mocked; that there is a real person on this keyboard who hopes they will find the special woman their heart desires.
Life has been more interesting. Several times a day, I check to see the men delivered by the Internet into my desktop. This little message dropped in last week:
"Hi...Just wanted to let you that you really do look like a very cute lady...I loved your look and the twinkle just says it all.......I am very much attracted to ladies of your age and size. I know that you might find that strange but it is true! ...I do have photos of myself but unfortunately not on this site...I am so dam handsome that if my photo was on here, I would be buried with emails from ladies waiting to meet me ...I don't have time to respond to them."
I checked out his profile which gave no personal info except that he was interested in a casual relationship and was legally separated. OH YEAH! It took me about three seconds to start typing: "Dear XXXXX, I may have a twinkle in my eyes but I also have a brain between my ears and I really don't feel that we are a match! Granny B"
OK, so I'm not always graceful and polite.
Then there has been the strangest messages from three different men in different parts of the United States. The first was a very touching message from someone, in upstate New York, who described himself as widower whose wife died suddenly and tragically leaving him with a 17 year old son. He said he had studied the course in Electrical Engineering and had a Masters. He was looking for a last love and willing to relocate to find happiness for himself and his son. There was a photo on the profile of a nice looking fellow, light skinned with dark hair. A couple of days later, a second message came in from someone in LA. He had several photo's, said he was Irish with blond hair and blue eyes and the photos were very attractive. Funny thing, the message was almost word for word the same as the guy in New York! This one claimed to have studied the course of Economics and obtained an Masters from Oxford in London! While I was pondering how and when Oxford moved from Cambridge to London, here came a third message from someone in the MidWest. Message was nearly word for word as the previous two. I forwarded them with the profile names to the dating site as a possible scam and requested they be blocked from any contact with me. The next time I looked, all three profiles had been deleted from the site.
Then there is a dear little man (in his 80's) in a small town in New Mexico who views my profile and photo nearly every day. I think he has sent four or five flirts and I just reply to tell him that I hope he finds someone closer. The other day I saw a new profile without a photo but with the same identity tag. He had changed his age and changed his life experiences but I knew it was him. Sure enough, this new persona checked out my photo. It's nice to wonder if I am a fantasy for him.
Remember a number of years back all the discussion about men getting in touch with the expressive side of themselves. Well, for the most part, on dating services, they have succeeded! Everyday I read such tender words of hope and longing. If these offerings of eternal love and delight are true, then there are a whole lot of lonely and unhappy people out there in the cyber world. I've been thinking about this for the past week, do I need a someone in my life to make me complete? No, I don't think so. I need and want a someone to add to my life and my happiness in the little ways. A foot rub with lotion at night, pot of coffee when I wake in the morning, the glance exchanged when we "get" the same thing at the same time. If I don't find this person, I know that I can make my own coffee and laugh at Keith Oberman by myself. It just would be nice...
Scorecard: I have cancelled "hookup". I don't like their system and as I have said before, couldn't figure out why they sent me matches who like Billo the Clown. I am still on "silvermatch" and like their program. I have also joined "fishyfishy" and am getting a number of Nevada prospects from them. I may try some other sites. I know some of you have expressed concern that I don't know what I am doing. What can I say, you're right but I am learning as I go and also doing my due diligence on the whole subject of Internet dating. The latest book that I finished is: "I Love You...Let's Meet" by Virginia Vitzthum (Little, Brown and Company: 2007). An interesting take by a smart woman who just wanted more in her life. I have also read a great deal from the Internet and personal blogs. Hey, I made it through my first month, stick with me kid! Granny B is still on the road to a last love...
Thanks for all your support. Please feel free to leave a comment below. Oh yes, pass this on!
Life has been more interesting. Several times a day, I check to see the men delivered by the Internet into my desktop. This little message dropped in last week:
"Hi...Just wanted to let you that you really do look like a very cute lady...I loved your look and the twinkle just says it all.......I am very much attracted to ladies of your age and size. I know that you might find that strange but it is true! ...I do have photos of myself but unfortunately not on this site...I am so dam handsome that if my photo was on here, I would be buried with emails from ladies waiting to meet me ...I don't have time to respond to them."
I checked out his profile which gave no personal info except that he was interested in a casual relationship and was legally separated. OH YEAH! It took me about three seconds to start typing: "Dear XXXXX, I may have a twinkle in my eyes but I also have a brain between my ears and I really don't feel that we are a match! Granny B"
OK, so I'm not always graceful and polite.
Then there has been the strangest messages from three different men in different parts of the United States. The first was a very touching message from someone, in upstate New York, who described himself as widower whose wife died suddenly and tragically leaving him with a 17 year old son. He said he had studied the course in Electrical Engineering and had a Masters. He was looking for a last love and willing to relocate to find happiness for himself and his son. There was a photo on the profile of a nice looking fellow, light skinned with dark hair. A couple of days later, a second message came in from someone in LA. He had several photo's, said he was Irish with blond hair and blue eyes and the photos were very attractive. Funny thing, the message was almost word for word the same as the guy in New York! This one claimed to have studied the course of Economics and obtained an Masters from Oxford in London! While I was pondering how and when Oxford moved from Cambridge to London, here came a third message from someone in the MidWest. Message was nearly word for word as the previous two. I forwarded them with the profile names to the dating site as a possible scam and requested they be blocked from any contact with me. The next time I looked, all three profiles had been deleted from the site.
Then there is a dear little man (in his 80's) in a small town in New Mexico who views my profile and photo nearly every day. I think he has sent four or five flirts and I just reply to tell him that I hope he finds someone closer. The other day I saw a new profile without a photo but with the same identity tag. He had changed his age and changed his life experiences but I knew it was him. Sure enough, this new persona checked out my photo. It's nice to wonder if I am a fantasy for him.
Remember a number of years back all the discussion about men getting in touch with the expressive side of themselves. Well, for the most part, on dating services, they have succeeded! Everyday I read such tender words of hope and longing. If these offerings of eternal love and delight are true, then there are a whole lot of lonely and unhappy people out there in the cyber world. I've been thinking about this for the past week, do I need a someone in my life to make me complete? No, I don't think so. I need and want a someone to add to my life and my happiness in the little ways. A foot rub with lotion at night, pot of coffee when I wake in the morning, the glance exchanged when we "get" the same thing at the same time. If I don't find this person, I know that I can make my own coffee and laugh at Keith Oberman by myself. It just would be nice...
Scorecard: I have cancelled "hookup". I don't like their system and as I have said before, couldn't figure out why they sent me matches who like Billo the Clown. I am still on "silvermatch" and like their program. I have also joined "fishyfishy" and am getting a number of Nevada prospects from them. I may try some other sites. I know some of you have expressed concern that I don't know what I am doing. What can I say, you're right but I am learning as I go and also doing my due diligence on the whole subject of Internet dating. The latest book that I finished is: "I Love You...Let's Meet" by Virginia Vitzthum (Little, Brown and Company: 2007). An interesting take by a smart woman who just wanted more in her life. I have also read a great deal from the Internet and personal blogs. Hey, I made it through my first month, stick with me kid! Granny B is still on the road to a last love...
Thanks for all your support. Please feel free to leave a comment below. Oh yes, pass this on!
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